Thursday, March 20, 2008

Green......ish

Green. Its a color. Thats all it is. A bright hue that would flash on the color tvs long before your average retard knew what a pixel was. But now its also a buzzword. Its just as important as "organic" "free range" "fair trade" and other bullshit marketing terms like that. Green business. Green construction. Green packaging, green vacations as seen in this magazine cover.

Let me tell you something - the only thing green about anything called "green" is the poisonous spores that grow on the bloody red feces that is the true color of whatever business you're in.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're trying, if you are at all. Good for you for buying recycled postcards, which people just throw away 10 minutes after getting anyways. Buying the energy-star dishwasher instead of just doing the dishes by hand, Conserving water by adopting the "if its yellow its mellow" policy. Whatever. You're not fucking green. Your not even out of the pitch black shade of crude oil by even breathing American air; which I fully believe we will find a way to monetize and sell to yuppy saps some day soon. So when I hear about "green business" I can't possibly figure out what the fuck is going on. I see signs for green fuel - biodiesel - hey, how about you stop driving your fucking car so much instead?

If I'm upsetting you, I'm sorry, but you need to face this; stop crying liberal socially conscious tears into your locally owned mocha chai wheatgrass smoothie. It's ok. When it comes to "being green" you're just not going to cut it no matter what. Like the people who are getting into the Seventh Day Adventists heaven, its a pretty fucking exclusive club. Unless your eating lima beans and soy, while sucking a rabbit's tit for refreshments, you're not fucking getting your hand stamped. You have to be dirt fucking poor to be green. I mean unless, shit, literal shit, is a form of currency to you, you're raping mother nature with a steel dildo. The change you used to start a load of laundry is probably more than the annual income of the world's truely green people.

I just thought since the term seems to be getting thrown around so much I thought I'd just remind you exactly how unfucking green you really are. And me? I'm the fucking devil. I'm writting this on a laptop made with dangerous chemicals, a battery thats probably going to exist as long as nuclear waste from the 1950s, on a motherfucking jet airplane. At least I dont have the gall to call my life "green" because I bought compact florescent lightbulbs. At least I'm not wearing Nike right?

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